The Decorators

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Not making money. Just keeping them alive any way I can.

AU: New York City – I wrote a story called Equitable Action where the guys are lawyers and detectives in NYC. That’s where this takes place.

Challenge: Nathan had to be one of the main characters, and it had to include the line: "A seed of doubt once planted, sown deep, had begun to grow and crack the very foundation that united them." Twyla Jane of Little Ezra fame came up with it, and she ended her little challenge by saying: "Oh yes I know I am evil but I could have asked you to include a barrel of oil, dynamite and some pissed off reptiles … (oh my where did that come from????)." I decided to go for the gold stars. Plus, as Heather F will attest, I've been plagued with JD's sense of humor lately. You've been warned.

Notes: This is what comes of watching Trading Spaces on the HGTV network. It’s a hilarious show where neighbors have a very small budget and are asked, with the help of a professional designer, to transform a room in their neighbor’s house. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a total hoot.

Description: Buck asks Nathan and Ezra to help with a somewhat interesting project.
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“Are those flamingoes?” Ezra asked, peering intently at the wallpaper.

Nathan walked up next to him and had a look.

“Yep. Miniature flamingoes, palm trees and what looks like dolphins.”

Ezra shuddered and backed away from the wall, “He can’t be serious.”

“Who can’t be serious?” Buck asked, walking into the room with a tray holding three glasses.

Ezra shook his head and sat down on the maroon loveseat that had seen better days. “How long has JD been living here now, Buck?” he asked, leaning forward to take one of the glasses. He stopped to look at it, then raised an eyebrow at the sight of an alligator surrounded by a ring of tiny lizards, all looking rather annoyed at being badly painted on the side of cheap garage station glasses.

“Oh, 'bout four months now, I think. That sublease he had on the upper west side ran out at the end of August, I believe, when the Columbia students came back.”

Ezra nodded and took a sip. New York water always scared him, no matter how often they were told it was safe to drink. He wrinkled his nose -- not to mention the added horror of having to smell the pungent odor of chlorine that accompanied it.

“Where’d you go to college, Buck?” Nathan asked, leaning back on the small sofa and looking up at the plaster ceiling. It was flaking, and looked as if someone had attempted to stop the disintegration with duct tape painted white.

“Ohio State.”

Nathan grinned, “That fits.”

“How about you?”

“Emory.”

“Good school,” Ezra remarked casually. Then he sighed and placed the glass down, “So when is JD going to get here? I have to admit, Mr. Wilmington, I feel a little strange sitting here when JD isn’t around.”

“JD doesn’t care, Ez. That’s why he gave me the key. He knows we’re not going to take anything.”

“Especially not from here,” Ezra muttered under his breath. He glanced over at Nathan, who was currently squinting at his own glass, clearly trying to figure out what the hell the crocodile was doing to the iguana, and why there was a python twisting around the crocodile's tail.

“Look,” Buck put his glass down, “I know you probably think that I’ve been exaggerating the trouble he’s in, but I’m not. He’s needs help, Ezra. I mean, just look at this place!”

“I’ve been trying not to,” Ezra said. He waved a hand around in exasperation. “The walls are pink and turquoise, Buck! How can anyone stare at pink and turquoise walls all day and not be permanently nauseous?”

“It does have…personality,” Nathan agreed, putting his glass down.

“Thank you for at least being tactful, Nathan,” Buck smiled.

“I didn’t say it was a good personality, Buck,” the younger detective said. Buck screwed up his face at him. Nathan couldn’t resist a cheeky grin in response.

“Listen, I brought you here because JD wants to redo this place, and he needs someone who can explain why every girl he has ever brought here has run away screaming. I mean, Casey won’t even get close to this place! Right now, he thinks it’s because he doesn’t have enough chairs, Ezra. Chairs!”

“It’s not the chairs,” Nathan said solemnly. “It’s what’s painted on the chairs.” He looked at the metal folding chair Buck was sitting on, grimacing at the Hawaiian belly dancer dancing on the back.

“Yeah, I know. But he won’t listen to me. He thinks I don’t like it because I’m too ‘cowboy’ -- his words, not mine. That’s why I brought you guys in. Ezra, I asked you because you have good taste. Nathan, you’re here because you have the same good taste, but won’t spend a fortune doing it. I need you to keep a leash on Ez.”

“A leash?” Ezra frowned.

“Down boy,” Nathan said, patting Ezra on the arm. The lawyer shook him off with a glare, then jumped up and walked back to the wall. He looked again at the flamingoes and shuddered.

“I’ve always been told there were interesting places to live in Alphabet city, but this is amazing. Did he put up this paper?”

“No…but I think it’s one of the reasons he chose to rent it. That and the fact that it’s only $600 a month.”

“Maybe I should start paying my legal secretary more,” Ezra murmured, turning away before the bile in his throat rose any higher. He was going to dream about flamingoes attacking alligators tonight, he just knew it.

“Well, what would you do first?” Nathan asked, standing up to join him.

"How about getting some dynamite," Ezra replied darkly.

Nathan chuckled, "couldn't hurt. Doubt he'd even notice."

Ezra smiled. “Seriously though, I guess we should start by buying some paint and covering this up."

Nathan nodded, “Yeah. There is a lot of light in this room from the two windows – how about going for a dark color?”

Ezra smiled, “How about red?”

“Brick red?”

“Perfect,” Ezra was grinning now. “And we can cover up some of this furniture with covers. Browns and creams?”

“Good. We should get rid of the metal chairs though.”

“There’s the 3rd Street bazaar. I saw wooden chairs hanging in the window.”

“They got wooden coffee tables?”

Ezra pursed his lip, then shook his head, “No, I don’t think so.”

“Well, we can worry about that later. There’s some cheap furniture places out in Brooklyn. And there is always the Ikea in Newark.”

“Newark?” Ezra gave Nathan a funny look, “You really think we need to go to Newark?”

Nathan arched an eyebrow, “There’s nothing wrong with Newark, Ezra.”

“Of course, it’s just…well, New Jersey….” Ezra gave the weak smile of someone who'd just been caught acting like a snob.

“We’ll never be out of sight of the city, Ezra, I promise,” Nathan replied, the sarcasm thick.

The lawyer smiled, then started making other suggestions. Nathan continued to nod and insert his own. Soon they were thick with ideas, and Buck leaned back in the metal chair and smiled. It was rare these two ever agreed on anything, so it was amazing to see them so unified on this.

“Are you serious?” Ezra looked aghast, and Nathan scowled.

Buck sighed. So much for unity.

“This room is much too small to paint the ceiling red,” Ezra said, his hand waving at the crumbling affair over their heads.

“That’s exactly why we should paint it the same color as the walls. It’ll make the walls seem higher. It’s an optical illusion.”

“No, no and no. All it will do is make the room darker. It's going to be red for Christ's sake.”

“Well, I didn’t choose the color red,” Nathan shot back.

“You didn’t choose…? Well what color would you go for, Mr. Jackson? Orange?”

“Orange? Why the hell would I suggest orange?”

“Oh, just thinking about a certain shirt you wear occasionally, one that should only be worn by a hunter in the woods who is trying to avoid being shot!”

“That shirt, for your information, Standish, was a very expensive one I picked up in Soho.”

“Well that's hard to believe,” Ezra sneered, crossing his arms.

“Hard to believe? You calling me a liar?”

“Boys, boys,” Buck stood up and tried to come between them. Nathan literally shoved him back, and Buck fell back onto his chair with an ominous creak. The detective sighed and shook his head as the argument continued.

Fact was, both Ezra and Nathan had similar tastes, almost identical. And it was good taste, better than anyone else Buck knew, but the two were so deeply into their argument now that they might never know it. The seed of doubt had been planted, and, sown deep, would grow to crack the very foundation that had united them.

Setting his jaw, Buck realized he needed to do something that would remind the two men in front of him of what had united them in the first place.

Jumping up off the chair, he walked into the tiny kitchen and picked up an object from off the kitchen table/counter/microwave stand/cutting board. Carrying it back into the living room, he shoved it between Ezra and Nathan.

The immediately stopped talking.

“What is it?” Ezra asked, completely forgetting what he had just been saying.

“It’s a small wooden barrel,” Buck replied.

“A really, ugly barrel,” Nathan said. “Is it…is it pink?”

“Yep. JD bought it because he thought it would match his wallpaper.”

“Oh Lord,” Ezra suddenly remembered the wallpaper, and his face paled.

“JD keeps his bottles of oil in it,” Buck said. He lifted up the top to reveal an inside painted a pea green. Ezra shut his eyes as if someone had just affronted him with smelling salts, while Nathan watched mesmerized as Buck pulled out a small bottle of olive oil and then another one of vegetable oil.

“He’s keeps his cooking oils in a barrel?” Nathan whispered in disbelief. “Who keeps their oils in a barrel?”

“Someone who likes the idea of having flamingoes on his wall,” Ezra replied. “Mr. Jackson, I think this may be one case where we truly need to overcome our differences for the common good.”

“Amen!” Buck yelled. Both Ezra and Nathan gave him a strange look. Buck grinned.

“Oh, sorry. You two keep going.”

“So…,” Nathan took a deep breath and looked back at Ezra, “still want red walls?”

Ezra shrugged, “Do you?”

Nathan gave him a crooked smile, “Yeah.”

Ezra grinned back.

Just at that moment, JD came bursting through the door, panting hard. He smiled as he saw them all standing in the middle of his living room.

“Man, guys, I’m so sorry I’m late! Subway took forever! Hey!” he pointed at Buck, who was putting the oils back in the barrel, “You found my barrel! Cool isn’t it? Goes with the walls!”

“It certainly does,” Ezra agreed. Nathan chuckled. JD walked over and took the barrel back.

“So, like, you guys can do whatever you think is necessary to fix my place up, okay? Just don’t kill my budget and...look, not too much pink, okay? I know the flamingoes are cool, but I am a guy, you know. I tried to make this room so that not everything went with the walls, this barrel notwithstanding.” He held it close and smiled brightly.

“So, what do you think? A Caribbean theme? Cause, I was thinking a Caribbean theme would be great.”

Ezra looked pained, but he nodded at Buck and Nathan before stepping forward to drape an arm around JD’s shoulders.

“Mr. Dunne, as your employer and your friend, I think it’s about time someone told you a little about why it is that Casey refuses to set foot in this place….”

End